A Boy's Christmas Wish Page 14

  “I needed time with my dad,” Beth replied. “I never had that. You were always there.”

  “I was his wife!” Something close to anger sparked in Linda’s gaze. “This was my home, too! This was all I had! In my own home, I was hated by my husband’s daughter. At least Michael gave me a chance. So it wasn’t easy for me, either.”

  “If you’d just given me some space...” Beth heaved a sigh. “I know I was difficult, Linda. And I apologize for that. I was really angry that my mother had died, and I didn’t know how to process that. Then Dad fell in love with you, and that felt like a betrayal to my mom.”

  “I get it.” Linda nodded. “I always told you I didn’t expect to replace her.”

  “I thought that meant that you couldn’t love me like she had.”

  “And I couldn’t.” Linda shook her head. “Let’s just be honest. I wasn’t your mom. I never had children of my own, but I had a mother, and I do understand that love. I could have loved you in my own way...if you’d let me.”

  It was too little, too late, though. Beth’s formative years were behind her. Perhaps Linda had learned a few of these lessons in the process, too. They’d been through the worst of it, and Beth couldn’t help but wonder if there hadn’t been some salvageable memories under all that ugliness.

  “If you could do it again,” Beth said. “Would you still have married him?”

  “And end up heartbroken?” Linda’s eyes misted again. “No.”

  That’s what Beth had thought. Linda had done her best, it would seem, but it hadn’t been enough for a grief-stricken twelve-year-old girl. Manners and etiquette wouldn’t fill that hole left by her mother’s passing. And watching her father love a woman who’d never fully love her—that had only made it worse. Perhaps Linda hadn’t been the devil, after all, but it still hadn’t worked.

  “So what happened?” Beth asked. “Why didn’t it work between you and Dad after Michael and I were gone?”

  “Because of that store.” Linda sighed and shook her head. “He always loved that store more than he loved me. I was there to support him and help him create his next great novel, but he relied on that rickety corner store to inspire him...not me. He treated it more like a good-luck charm than an actual business. And when I told him it would fail, he resented me for it. But it did fail—because its time had passed. Holding on to that relic of family history wouldn’t make it financially viable.”

  Linda never had been much of a sentimentalist. Her father had loved that store more than he’d loved Linda, but not more than his kids. And Linda had been threatened by her husband’s love for his children. She’d held on to Rick with a vise grip and refused to leave his side for a moment. In case of...what? In case he bonded with his daughter without her? But the store had somehow become the final straw.

  “It was the family store.” Beth shook her head. “Of course it mattered to him.”

  “I didn’t say it wasn’t important,” Linda said simply. “I just said it couldn’t continue. And we fought about it constantly until we got tired of the fighting.”

  Beth heard her father’s footsteps on the porch outside, which Linda seemed to hear at the same time, because she sucked in a breath and held it. Beth stood and got down a couple of mugs. She’d promised tea, after all.

  When the back door opened, Rick came inside, but he didn’t seem surprised by their visitor.

  “Linda,” he said quietly. “I saw your car out front.”

  “Hello, Ricky.”

  Ricky. Linda had always called him that, and it had always irritated Beth as a girl, but now she could hear the longing. Linda missed him.

  “I was just starting tea, Dad,” Beth said. “But maybe you could finish that. I’ll let you two talk.”

  Her father gave her a grateful nod, and Beth headed toward the door that led to the living room. Granny was still napping, and Beth crept past and headed up the staircase, the old boards creaking underfoot.

  She’d never seen her father or her stepmother as adults with romantic needs, but perhaps it was time to grow up. Resentful of Linda or not, Beth knew what she’d seen in there, and it was heartbreak. Her father wasn’t the only one struggling. Linda was, too. Letting go of a man she had loved dearly—even if it was the right thing to do—hurt desperately. For that, Linda had Beth’s sympathy.

  * * *

  LUKE WANDERED AROUND the house getting ready to go. Getting an eight-year-old kid out of the house took time. At the moment, Luke was barefoot, and he sang his lines over and over again until he started to get the words wrong.

  “Give it a break, buddy,” Dan said. “You’re going to be fine. You’ll see! Just imagine people in their underwear.”

  “Dad, that’s just embarrassing.” Luke shot his father an annoyed look. “And kind of inappropriate.”

  Dan chuckled. “Luke, you’re going to be fine. I’ll be in the front row.”

  “Beth, too, right?”

  That stabbed just a little. If only Luke knew how badly Dan had wanted Beth to be a part of all this five years ago. But she’d left. This Christmas pageant tradition was theirs. It didn’t include Beth.

  “Why does it matter if Beth is there?” Dan asked. “I’ll be there. You’ll be fine!”

  “I don’t know. I like her. And she knows my lines.”

  “I know your lines.” Dan was feeling a little defensive. “And I’ll be in the front. Sing to me. That’ll make it less stressful, right? Sing it like you’re just practicing in the kitchen.” Dan paused, giving his son a once-over. “Where are your socks?”

  “I don’t have them yet.”

  “Ticktock.” Dan tapped his watch. “And brush your teeth—really well this time!”

  Beth would be there...he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He’d seen the way Luke looked at Beth, the way the boy softened around her. It wasn’t that Dan couldn’t sympathize, because he found himself reacting in the same ways, except Dan knew the score here, and Luke didn’t. Luke wanted a mother—Dan knew that well enough—but not her... If Luke had latched on to any other woman, Dan could have felt good about it, but Beth? Maybe Luke was more like him than he thought—maybe they were like two moths to the same flame.

  Parenting was never-ending. There were no breaks, no time off, no clocking out. The rewards, however, were that much deeper. Like when he taught Luke how to skate, and the gleam of pride that shone in his son’s eyes...or these pageants, where Luke was always so excited to be onstage. Until this year, at least. Now, Luke was a nervous wreck, and instead of turning to Dan for reassurance, he was turning to Beth.

  “Come on, Luke! Let’s go!”

  Luke emerged from the bathroom. “Dad?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you think Mom would want to see me as Townsperson Number Four?”

  Dan ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm his simmering irritation. Tonight—just for tonight—couldn’t Dan be enough?

  “I don’t know, buddy,” Dan replied truthfully. “But I sure do. Come on. Let’s not be late.”

  Half an hour later at town hall, Dan gave Luke a squeeze goodbye, and the boy dashed off behind the stage to get ready with the rest of the cast. Dan made his way through the auditorium filled with folding chairs. They’d just made it, and the auditorium was already filling up. He paused and scanned the rows, spotting Beth in the very front. Her blond hair fell in glossy waves around her shoulders. She wore a pale blue sweater that brought out the color of her eyes, and when she turned toward him, his breath caught. He had to stop reacting like this...

  “Hi,” Dan said as she pulled her jacket off the seat she’d saved for him. “Did you have to fight to save this seat?” There were jackets laid across other seats next to him.

  “Just about.” She smiled back. “But no one wants to argue too much with a pregnant lady.
I used my advantage.”

  Dan could make out the scent of her perfume—something soft and fruity—as he sank down next to her. He pulled his attention away from those details. He was here as a dad, not as company for Beth. The curtains were pulled over the stage, but he could hear rustling behind it.

  “Luke’s pretty nervous,” he said. He’d keep himself on point here.

  “Still?” Her voice was soft. “Poor guy. The stage can be pretty intimidating, I guess.”

  “I guess.” Except Luke had never seemed to mind it before. Maybe this was just part of getting older—realizing that embarrassment was a possibility.

  “You must be proud of him,” Beth added.

  “Yeah, for sure.” Dan nodded, facing the closed curtain.

  “Danny?”

  He glanced over at her, then sighed. “Yeah?”

  “What?” She shook her head at him—the same way she used to years ago when he was mulling over something he wasn’t ready to talk about.

  “Nothing.” He swallowed, then lowered his voice more. But holding out on her had never been good for them. Maybe it was time to let the last of those old habits drop. “Fine, I’m...frustrated with myself. I don’t think I kept things appropriate yesterday at the store.”

  “Oh...” She nodded. “Well—I was thinking about that, too. Maybe it’s time to stop beating ourselves up and accept that we have chemistry, Danny.”

  “That’s not useful if we’re wanting to keep this platonic.” He shot her a wry smile.

  “Sure it is.” She gave him only the slightest smile in return. “We always were attracted to each other. It’s on a chemical level. It stands to reason that we’d still feel some—” She shrugged.

  “Attraction?” he concluded.

  Color tinged her cheeks. “It’s reasonable.”

  That kiss needed to stay a onetime thing. They couldn’t fall back into a broken relationship.

  “And what are we supposed to do about it?” he asked. Because from where he was sitting, that wasn’t going away, which bothered him.

  “I think admitting it is half the battle,” she replied. “I mean, putting it out there—knowing that we have a physical attraction—”

  “You said chemical,” he said quietly.

  “Stop teasing.” She was utterly serious. “At least for me, it helps. I mean, the mystery is the appealing part, isn’t it? Well, we’ve done all of this before, and we know how it ends. If we can just admit to the attraction, I think we can dampen it.”

  Maybe she had a point. It was harder to cross those lines when both of them knew what was happening.

  “You’re wiser than I thought,” he said grudgingly.

  They fell silent, and Dan turned his attention back to that closed curtain.

  “Luke wanted you here, especially,” Dan admitted after a moment. It still stung a little to say. But if they were going to be open, maybe it could include this.

  “It’s the baby,” she said softly.

  “What?” He glanced back at her.

  She rubbed a hand over her belly. “All the kids are the same. They’re drawn to pregnant women and babies. There’s one mom who keeps trying to get some privacy to feed her infant, and the kids keep on interrupting her. And Luke first started talking to me because he was curious about the baby coming. It’s natural, I think.”

  Was it only that—a child’s curiosity? Luke had been asking about his mother lately, too, so maybe that was it. Maybe Beth’s pregnancy had been drawing Luke in, not Beth herself.

  “Be careful with him, Beth,” Dan said seriously.

  “What do you mean?” Beth leaned closer, her gaze locked on his face.

  “He’s a fragile kid,” Dan said. “Don’t promise him anything you can’t deliver. He’s had enough broken promises in his life.”

  “You mean his mom,” she clarified.

  Yes, Lana. But Dan couldn’t forget that Beth had rejected Luke, too, right at the beginning. Beth had looked down at Luke’s sleeping face and decided against being with them. For all her judgment of Lana, she’d been able to walk away, too.

  “Just be careful,” Dan repeated.

  She nodded, then leaned back in her seat. After a moment, she said, “Linda’s back in town. She dropped by yesterday to see my dad.”

  Dan looked over at her in surprise, his worry shrinking in the background to his curiosity. “How’d that go?”

  “She and Dad talked for a while. She left.” Beth sighed. “It’s not my business... I know that. But this won’t be easy on Dad. He needs to heal.”

  This would be Rick’s first Christmas single, and Dan knew how hard that was. The Christmas after his breakup with Beth had been misery. Every happy Christmas sight and smell brought back memories that tore his heart open all over again. It would be the same for Rick, no doubt.

  “Did you talk to Linda at all?” Dan asked.

  Beth nodded. “A little bit.”

  “How’s she doing?” he asked. Everyone had missed Linda around town. She’d moved away when she and Rick split up, but she’d been a part of things for two decades.

  “She misses him.” Sympathy swam in her blue eyes. He hadn’t expected that reaction from her, but he didn’t have the chance to ask anything else because the band started to tune up, and for a couple of minutes any conversation was drowned out by instruments.

  Dan was used to doing this alone—waiting for Luke’s appearance. Somehow it felt like if a dad smiled big enough and clapped hard enough, he could carry his kid through anything. This year, while he was conflicted about Luke’s growing friendship with Beth, Dan had to admit that it was nice to have someone else watching for Luke. Another person to carry Luke through it. If Beth had married him, this could have been their life together. What was it that she’d said? Danny, asking me to marry you and asking me to be a stepmother to your child are two different proposals... But now she was enjoying the son he’d raised. Whether they were attracted to each other or not, that wasn’t fair.

  The lights lowered, and Dan settled back as the curtains opened and the MC came out to welcome everyone to this year’s Christmas pageant. In years past, Dan had watched other people’s kids on the stage, and he’d wondered if they’d known how lucky they were. They had families in the audience, a community that enjoyed their limited acting skills, and the safety of this small town in northern Alberta where not only did everyone know everyone, but they were all taken care of. Dan had wanted to give Luke all those happy childhood memories he’d never had as a kid.

  Except Dan realized that it felt nice to have a woman next to him. He just wasn’t sure that he wanted to share this with Beth. She was the one who’d thought she was too good for this package.

  The stage was set, a couple of teens came out in costume and the story began. To the side, the kids portraying townspeople were walking around, looking in shop windows. Except for Townsperson Number Four. Luke stood there frozen, his lips white. Dan sat up straighter, and Luke looked toward his dad, his eyes wide with panic.

  And Dan’s heart sank.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  THE AUDITORIUM WAS WARM, and Beth fanned herself with the program. She’d seen how hard everyone had worked on this play, and it was nice to be seeing the fruition of all that effort. The baby wriggled inside her, and she rubbed a hand over her stomach. Beth glanced at Danny, but his eyes were locked on his son. As she turned her attention to Luke, he looked pale and scared. But given a few minutes, he’d be bound to relax, wouldn’t he?

  The townspeople were only supposed to be milling about right now anyway. Beth had already seen the whole play. Luke scanned the front row, and when he saw his father, he gave a pained smile. Then Luke turned those saucer eyes on Beth.

  She gave him her most enthusiastic smile and a thumbs-up. Luke’s sho
ulders relaxed slightly, and he licked his lips.

  The little girl next to him lifted the microphone and sang her lines, then she handed the mic over to Luke. Luke opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He swallowed, tried again, but still nothing. There was an awkward silence, then the girl next to him took the mic back and the play continued...

  Luke’s expression crumpled, and his chin quivered. Tears welled in his eyes, but they didn’t fall. His two lines. He’d been proud of those lines, she knew, and he’d missed them. The play had rolled on without his contribution.

  Beth looked at Danny, and he glanced down at her, his son’s anguish mirrored in his own eyes.

  “Is he going to be okay?” Beth whispered.

  “I think so...” Danny winced. “Oh, man.”

  Yes, that summed it up. Somehow, she’d thought that Luke’s nerves would evaporate when he finally faced the moment, but apparently not. She was struck by Danny’s reaction, though—he was taking this just as hard as Luke was, if not harder.

  “It’s just one mistake,” Beth whispered. “It’s no big deal!”

  “Of course it’s not,” Danny agreed. “But he’s going to feel differently about that. You don’t know Luke.”

  Was there reproach in those words? It was true that she didn’t know Luke, but that didn’t mean she was wrong, either. It was one mistake, and no one would even remember it. Luke’s role in the play was as a townsperson, and he’d been on the stage most of the play. His role mattered, even without those lines.

  They sat there for the rest of the play, watching Luke move with the townspeople, his shoulders stooped. When the actors took their bow at the end of the play, Beth clapped a little louder for the last row of townspeople. As they exited and the lights came up, Beth leaned toward Danny.

  “He did a great job!” she whispered. “If you make it seem like a big deal, then he’ll feel like it was. Just...relax.”

  “Parenting advice?” Danny raised his eyebrows, and Beth felt heat bloom in her cheeks. Would he throw this in her face forever now?